I have a lot of guilt even tho I know I wouldn't have changed a thing about the decisions I have made. We, as mothers love our children so much and we want to protect, love and nurture them. I have had so many people ask "Didn't you get the vaccine for the chicken pox?" No, No, and No! I wouldn't change this decision now more than ever since I am very pro-life and that vaccine as well as another common one is made from abborted fetuses (babies), but I also know for the most part that chicken pox is harmless as far as lasting effects to the child same as what the flu would be. Why all the drama and guilt? Well it appears that little Mister's big infection is from a pox spot getting very infected and causing lots of trauma for his little body. Now, an average child could most likely have fought this but little Mister's body at this point can't. I have been in a mode since wednsday night to try and tell myself that even tho he is crying and desparately wanting me and his daddy to rescue him from all the blue gloved folks with sharp things, that this is going to tell us what is wrong and he will get better because of this. It is now, that I am home I can't forget his little cries and sad faces and I can almost feel his pain and trauma. I am so grateful that I don't have a child that has to be hospitalized for cancer and have many surgical procedures done. I can only see a glimpse of what those parents must feel.
Then on the other side of all this I feel so heartbroken for my Big Mister. He is so tender hearted and knew that baby brother was sick and he would say his sweet little prayers for Little Mister to get better, but he was hurting too and he couldn't understand why Mommy and Daddy were gone for so long. He was with his cousins and my sister where he loves to be, but he still hurt and tried to hide his pain. I went to see him on the second day for a couple hours and I came bearing gifts, but he was still so upset with me, I knew he couldn't help it but I wanted to help him and he wouldn't let me.
I am sure I am not the only mother in the world who loves her children, and I know many would say that I should not feel guilty and I shouldn't take it personally at how Big Mister responded to us then, and when we got back (it wasn't good). But we do anyway!
I know that God is always there and he has a plan, I will start my week out knowing this and to shower healthy attention onto both of my boy's. My week is promising to be very busy and I know my area of weakness, which tends to be too focused on my to-do list instead of telling it to sit tight from time to time.
In answer to what is behind the infection in a nutshell; one of his pox on the side of his head became infected. With what, or how we have no answer yet. I will find out some more results from his labs in the next day or so. The seemingly most important information at this point is from the labs done to find out more about his immune system. If he has a component missing from his defense system than even the simplest cold will knock his immune system even more and then food allergies even more and the the bacteria's and viruses just keep stacking against his body to where we can't get ahead. In which if that is the case it isn't one particular condition that he has had it is several separate issues and we need to be extra cautious about treating the smallest thing immediately instead of thinking his body will work it out like it does for the average person.
I appreciate all of your genuine concerns and well wishes, Thank You.
I hope everyone has a great Monday and God Bless, Christina